Terms of surrender

Think you've surrendered completely to God? Think again. I can't count the number of times I thought I had “laid my all on the alter.” However, I have a “self” that is healthy and strong, and without fail, it comes up with something new. When I was very young, I thought my pacifier was the best thing in the world. If I had my pacifier, I could take on the world. Not totally for religious reasons, I have since given that up. Something new and better came along: trucks. This lasted for a while, but soon I was on to bigger and better things . . . nambely my bb gun. I logged more hours on that piece of plastic than I care to remember. However, even that didn't last long and soon I was off in search of something better. Eventually, I got wise to the game. Everything I had, everything I loved that I thought would bring me joy and happiness left me down. However, there was always something new to take it's place. That pattern has continued unbroken to this day. I don't still struggle with trucks and pacifiers (I think I'm past that stage now) but that does not mean I don't struggle with other things . . . and some of them are even good! I've already taken something that I believe to be in the will of God and built a ten year plan around it that becomes “Mike's will for his life” and eclipses “God's will for Mike's life.” Then, when God sends something along my way that doesn't fit in “my plan,” I get upset and blame God for messing up “His” own will. I know in my head that I want to be in God's will in the future, that it is the only place I will be truly happy, but in my heart, I always hope that God's will conforms to mine, not vice-versa.
I don't mean to be pessimistic. I do believe a life of surrender can be lived, but it is a path you walk over the course of your life, not a sliding board from which there is no return. I wish I had the ability to surrender now and completely for the rest of my life, but I don't. No one's self is so completely dead that it won't raise up imaginations against God's hand (2 Cor. 10:5) and if you're anything like me, you will spend the rest of your life finding new battles to fight with yourself. Life changes, and so do the struggles. Just when you think you've reached a stage in your life where everything you have is God's, the stage will change and you will be tested again. God will bring new people, relationships, and opportunities into your life, all with the potential to do great good, and your “self” will find new ways to try to shove them between you and God.
The Bible is full of examples of people who had given God everything, only to find out they have aqquired something new. David thought he was fully surrendered to God, until he met Bathsheba. Moses thought he had given God everything, until he lost his temper and hit the rock. Peter thought he had died to himself until he realized what dying included. All them thought they were fully surrendered, until they realized the terms of surrender.
Think you've surrendered completely to God? If so, get ready, you'll probably be tested soon. Life is a struggle, and recently I've found myself to be my own worst enemy. I love myself too much. However, while this is not a fun realization, it hasn't led to despair. Quite the opposite. For one, God knows me, and He knows I'll never be perfect. He expects the Christian life to be a struggle, and He has promised his grace to overcome it and the forgiveness to pick me up when I fall. Secondly, while it is hard to lay myself on the alter, what good is a sacrifice that isn't hard? How valuable is a sacrifice if, once it is given, it no longer means anything? God can accomplish his will without your sacrifice, but the point is, He still wants it – not for His sake, but for your's. The benefit of sacrifice is in the giving, not the gift and so don't be discouraged when you struggle and find yourself loving yourself too much – you've just been given another chance to give. God knew I needed something of worth to give back to him, so he gave me something He knew I would prize: myself.
Eph. 5:29 “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.”
Phil. 3:8 “Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ.”

Pray for me. I didn't just post this because I wanted to post something. Let's just say I have a lot to surrender right now.

Mike.