God's will or mine?

Rom. 12:1-2 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

God's will for my life . . . Of all the things I talk about the most, it's probably the one I understand the least and would most like to find out about. I would really love to know what I'm supposed to do this summer, where I am supposed to teach when I get out of school, and a lot of other things as well. Maybe it's a result of overactive curiousity, but I really wish I knew what is going to happen, and I often wrap this curiosity – sometimes anxiety -- up nicely by saying “I wish I knew God's will for my life.” It sounds nicer that way than banging my head against the future and crying “all right I give up! What's gonna happen and what do you want me to do about it?” Ever been there, or am I the only one?

I've been working with these verses from Romans and some others recently and it keeps being brought to my attention that I have the wrong view of God's will. That God's will is the best and only safe place to aim my future I am sure, but my reasons for wanting to know what's going to happen in the future is not so much about God's will as it is mine. A lot of times when I say I want to know God's will for my life, I don't really want to know God's will as much as I want a crystal ball to see the future so I can plan my will in it. I would rather plan for the future than obey in the present, and the more verses God points out to me, the more I realize that God's will is more like a string in a cave and less like a map on a table: I can not study it to find the end, I must follow it to see where it leads. I don't know exactly why it has to work this way and I am not allowed to know the end or as much as I would like, but my guess is that it has something to do my tendency to want to rely on myself and do things my way because all the verses I am finding about God's will keep pointing out a spirit of surrender and trust in the moment at hand, not self-dependency and knowing exactly what I should do two weeks from now. When I focus on following instead of finding and surrendering instead of solving, I find God's promises that He will lead and direct my thoughts and steps. This is not nearly as easy for me to do as it is to say, but who says all of God's lessons are easy. When it comes down to it, it is again the simple question of who I would rather have in charge of my life, me or God. I say “God”, but my actions and frustration at not knowing the future cry more loudly “me!” Don't get me wrong, I do believe that following God's will requires action and planning ahead, a lot of it, but the action involves more obedience to what I know to do right now, and less worrying about what I hope God has for my future because, like it or not, I can only live in the present. Pray for me on this one because it's been a real struggle for me recently (maybe a combination of too much coffee and energy and too much time off work!) *laugh*. If you really want to help me sometime, don't just ask me what God has for my future because I don't really know and I know how to make it sound good and noble; instead ask me how well I obeyed Him that day because that's a much better indicator.

Mike

Mark 13:11 “But when they shall lead you, and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost.”

Prov. 16:3 “Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.”

Psalm 37:5 “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”